Fun with Stats

One of the things we heathens do on a regular basis to amuse ourselves is browse through the blogs statistics and the part that provides us no end of giggles are the search engine terms. I admit we are easily amused.  Now we get a lot of the obvious things like searches for a particular item we have written about, like coffee cake, but some of the search strings are so unique we spend a fair bit of time trying to guess what motivated the searcher to begin with. Today I am going to share some of our favorites from the past 30 days with some commentary. If its enjoyable we might make this a semi-regular bit.

hannuka potatoe krugel:

Did you mean: hanukkah potato kugel?…  I’m not sure if this is more indicative of the searcher’s inability to spell or our inability to spell.

breakfast seinfeld jewish bread:

What you are looking for is babka and if you were a true Seinfeld fan you would remember it was from the episode entitled “The Dinner Party” and Jerry and Elaine were getting it for dessert. This may also be the first time “Seinfeld” has been used as an adjective. Alternately you can call it what Gordon’s kids do, “that really sweet bread”.

parve crab rangoon recipe:

Please don’t make this. There is really no point. Once you have used imitation crab and some sort of soy based cheese-like product, it isn’t really crab rangoon anymore. Make it dairy or make something else.

does jewish rye bread make people fart?

Its not so much the rye bread, as the Jewishness. Jews have a serious genetic propensity for gastro-intestinal issues like celiac disease and lactose-intolerance. I suspect the searcher was someone’s new romantic partner checking on this oddly specific excuse for farting. I warn you, get used to it. It gets worse as we age.

gathering chicken eggs on shabbes:

This is actually a pretty sticky halachic issue, for which there is no definitive answer, and normally I would say this is not the place to find the answer to that, but I will do my best impersonation of a Talmudic scholar…. Most orthodox Jews would not eat an egg that was gathered on Shabbat due to the restrictions on gathering things in general, and there are even some who wouldn’t eat an egg laid on Shabbat, but there are many exclusions for farm related work to prevent discomfort to animals or waste of food… Oh who am I kidding, you think the chickens give a crap if its Shabbat? Just gather the f-ing eggs!

jewish stock photos:

What they were looking for were non-copyrighted photos of Jewish items, but what they got were photos of our chicken stock and matzo ball soup.

are snails trayfe?

Ummm yeahh… You know the word trayfe but can’t deduce that shelled gastropod mollusks are not kosher. Try searching for “kosher escargot”, maybe you’ll find something to serve with  your parve crab rangoon.

and now our most frequent search term…
jewish food in the hands of heathens

98% of these searches are from my parents. If I were a really good daughter I would teach them how to bookmark the blog, but letting them keep doing it allows me some fantasy that people we don’t know have been hearing about the blog and seeking us out.